Keeping in Touch with your Parents

Managing your communication with your parents is important.  While I hope that you are learning to be more independent and make your own.  I hope that as you move down that road, you can give your parents enough information so that they can be comfortable with what you are doing. 

I think that students many times go to one extreme or the other, and so do parents (and their expectations).  Over the years I hear all kinds of stories, from the parent (true story) who drove the roommate nuts because they called every morning to make sure their child gets up for class and called every night until they catch up with him/her to make sure they’re going to bed at a reasonable hour, to students who call a parent at least twice an hour.

As a parent, when my oldest son went to college, he had some struggles and to me it felt like the consequences of him screwing up were suddenly much larger – that they could have lifelong kind of implications if his academic career tanked.  It was much harder for me to deal with than any previous stage in his life. 

Please find a general kind of schedule to contact your parents so that they don’t feel like they’re begging you for information about your life.  If you keep them comfortable that you are in control, it will make everything easier for you in your relationship with them.  Don’t lie to them… if you are having difficulty, let them know that and talk with them… or find someone here that you can talk to that can help you -and let your parents know that you are taking action on whatever the issue is. 

Keep your parents in the loop…….. If you want them to treat you as an adult, you need to show them that you are making the right kind of decisions and have the skills you need, so that they don’t have to worry about everything you’re doing.  That is something that you have to earn from them — don’t expect them to quit being concerned if you are making bad choices and just want to demand that they trust you.

Hopefully, as you change this year, your parents will feel and see it in how you act and in how you relate to them.  If you don’t let them know how you’re changing, you can’t expect them to understand and accept it.


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